


The Grave

by SeashellDestihell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode Related, Episode: s12e14 The Raid, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10067774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeashellDestihell/pseuds/SeashellDestihell
Summary: Dean ruminates on being a parent after the events of 12x14





	

The bunker is empty when they arrive. Sam calls out for Dean while Mary wanders down the hall to the room she sleeps in on the rare night she stays over, but there’s no response. Calls and texts to Dean’s number go unanswered for half an hour before a short message comes back reading simply, “Forgot I had an errand to run. Back in a couple days. Don’t wait up.” Sam sighs. Of course Dean isn’t that forgiving. Mom had said in the car that they worked things out, but Sam knows Dean knows how to hold a grudge.

“Hey, mom, I’m gonna hit the hay. You need anything?” At her negative, Sam sequesters himself to his room for the night. He has to get started on his plan on how to convince Dean to join the British Men of Letters, but for now he just wants to crash.

Cas is there in the morning.

“Dude,” Sam grunts on his way to the coffee machine, “don’t you sleep?” Castiel cocks his head and frowns. He opens his mouth to speak, but Sam interrupts him, “Nevermind. What’s up, man?”

“I was waiting for Dean,” Castiel says serious as anything. Sam turns to hide a laugh at that. At least the dude’s honest.

“He’s not here, Cas,” Sam tells him in case he doesn’t know. Castiel shrugs and eyes Sam’s coffee until he passes it over and makes himself another cup.

“He’s planning to come back; I assume?” Sam shrugs.

“He better be.”

They sit in silence, until the sound of Mary going about her morning, bathroom routine reaches them. Sam clears his throat awkwardly.

“Listen, Cas, I don’t know if Dean told you—”

“He did,” Castiel interrupts and they fall silent again.

“We didn’t know, Cas,” Sam says turning his best sad eyes on Cas. Castiel bristles slightly at the idea that he might be so easily manipulated, though Sam seems not to pick up on it.

“Thank you, Sam,” he says simply. It’s an awkward conversation to have. The colt is a very powerful weapon, but he hopes he’s worth more to Sam and Dean than that. He doesn’t know how he feels about the knowledge that he rates lower than that to Mary, but he doesn’t truly know her. Dean had certainly been very sorry about it over the phone and for now that’s enough. “I would appreciate it if we didn’t speak of it again.” Sam frowns at his coffee cup and looks like he wants to argue, but Mary comes into the kitchen then, disrupting their conversation.

“Oh! You’re up early. I thought I’d get us all breakfast, but the impala’s not in the garage; did Dean take it somewhere?” Castiel raises an eyebrow at Sam who shrugs uncomfortably.

“He said he had an errand to run.” It’s not a lie, but Castiel notes that he neglects to inform Mary that Dean hasn’t been home yet since yesterday.

“Will he be back soon?” she asks sounding genuinely uncomfortable. Castiel cocks his head at that. Interesting. Perhaps more went down between her and Dean than Dean let on.

“I’m not really sure, mom,” Sam says with a sigh. He runs a hand back through his hair. “He said he’s fine so… I have to believe he’s fine. Probably just mad he didn’t get to kill anything yesterday and went out and found a hunt.” Castiel excuses himself to Dean’s room and pulls out his phone. He hits redial and sits on the bed while it rings.

“Cas?” Dean asks, voice sounding thick and groggy as if Castiel had woken him up with his call.

“Dean,” Castiel breathes in relief, “I thought you’d be at the bunker, but you weren’t. Is everything alright?” The sound of sheets slipping together followed by a heavy thunk sounds over the phone.

“Cas, it’s eight in the morning.”

“Yes.”

“Babe, I called you at three am last night. We didn’t get off the phone until four.”

“Yes.”

“This couldn’t have waited a couple more hours?” Dean asks, but he laughs over the line so Castiel knows he’s not too upset, “babe I’m not twenty anymore; I need sleep.”

“I apologize. Tell me where you are and I’ll go to you.” The silence stretches out a beat too long, but then Dean sighs fondly.

“It’s a hotel in Seattle. I don’t remember the name; gimme a minute to find out.”

 

* * *

 

Castiel exits Dean’s room as soon as they hang up and makes his way towards the stairs. He doesn’t bump into Sam or Mary on his way out, so he doesn’t bother telling them he found Dean.

 

* * *

 

Dean’s still in bed when Castiel arrives. He barely opens his eyes before rolling over and patting the space next to him. Castiel smiles fondly at him for a moment before climbing in. Dean reels Cas into his space easily. The mattress is not particularly soft, but Dean is warm and comfortable enough that Castiel doesn’t mind.

“Need a couple more hours before heading home,” Dean mumbles. Castiel cards his fingers through Dean’s hair as he watches his expression relax.

“Seattle is a very long way to go for a night off.” Dean snorts.

“Yeah what can I say? Had a hankering for rain and shitty coffee.” Castiel knows it’s not the truth, but also knows he won’t be getting any more out of Dean for right now.

“Sleep, beloved. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey,” Dean’s voice breaks through Castiel’s meditative state some hours later. “Thought I’d dreamt you up.” His smile is warm and he sounds much better rested than he had been when Castiel called him earlier.

“No,” is all Castiel says.

“So was there a reason you came all the way out here just to let me pass out on you?”

“You sounded upset on the phone.” Dean frowns. “When you called me.”

“Ah. Yeah. Well, you already know how it went down with Mom.” Dean’s eyebrows knit together. He looks pained. Castiel resists the very real urge to reach out and smooth the space between Dean’s brows down with his index finger. “I’m not going to forgive her for that, Cas, but she’s my mom and I can’t freeze her out, either.”

“I would never ask you to.”

“Yeah I, jeez, I know, OK? But if it were anyone else I would. It feels wrong not to. It’s my fault she’s here, though. I gotta look out for her, even if she’s not gonna do the same for us.”

“Your mother is an adult, Dean. You are not responsible for her for her actions.” Dean sighs and kisses Castiel’s forehead. He grumbles something that sounds an awful lot like “agree to disagree” against his forehead.

“You heading out now that you’ve checked up on me, hot wings?”

“I’ll go with you if you’re going.” Dean chuckles letting Castiel know he’s not as smooth as he would like to believe.

“I…” Castiel cocks his head against the pillow when Dean falls silent and pulls back to stare at him. “As long as you’re here… there’s somewhere I gotta go first. Someone I gotta see.” Of course there is. Castiel didn’t truly believe Dean came all the way out in the opposite direction simply to get a break from his mother.

“I’ll go with you.”

“Yeah… OK.”

Dean gathers his belongings quickly, since there wasn’t much to begin with, and shoos Castiel off to the car with them while he checks out. He takes a deep breath when he gets behind the wheel and seems to steel himself before the he starts driving.

They don’t go far. Dean makes a quick stop as a grocery store where he tells Castiel to wait in the car, and comes back with a bouquet of flowers. A handful of miles further down the road, he pulls over near an outcrop of trees and tells Castiel they’re walking from here. When they walk far enough that the road is no longer visible, they come across a meadow with yellowed grass at its center. Dean leads them by memory to a white wooden stake in the ground. Castiel follows close enough behind that he can see a rusted Swiss Army knife lies at its base.

“Hey, Ems,” Dean says to the stake, “this is Cas. Cas, my daughter, Emma.”

Castiel swallows a gasp of surprise.

“Your daughter?” Dean surveys him for a second, then nods, seemingly accepting whatever he sees.

“Yeah. You, uh, you were dead—or I guess Emmanuel or something—I met her mom in a bar not far from here. Amazon.” Castiel looks over sharply at that. “Poor kid really got a big dose of that Winchester luck.”

“How did she die?” Dean makes the same pained expression from back at the hotel.

“Sam.” It sits heavy in the air for several minutes before Castiel can think to say anything.

“I’m sorry.” Though it hardly touches the well of sorrow he feels for Dean and his daughter in this moment, but it seems like the thing to say. He’s heard humans say that on television and in movies, at least. Dean squats down to place the flowers on the grave.

“Yeah… me, too. She never got a childhood either, you know? Looked fourteen when she died, but she could have been more than three days old. Three freaking _days_. I wanted to take her with us. Didn’t know how. Hadn’t really planned it out, but I knew I wanted to. I probably would have been a terrible father.”

“Dean.”

“Cas, I let her die, right in front of me.” Dean scrubs at his face. Castiel can’t see his expression, but he knows Dean is crying. “The least I could have done would’ve been to let her kill me and I couldn’t even do that. Who am I to judge if my mom’s kinda shitty or my dad fucked us up? Up until last week at least I could say they hadn’t let us die, but then my mom would have…” Dean turns towards Cas when the angel squats down next to him. “It would have killed me, Cas, you dying like that. You dying at all. I’d’ve died, too.”

“Don’t say that,” Castiel pleads. Imagining Dean suffering more than he is now makes Cas feel like his heart is going to burst.

“God, even my dad wouldn’t’ve—” Dean takes a shaky breath. “’m sorry, Ems. I’d do things so differently now.” Castiel wraps an arm around Dean and lowers them until they’re sitting on the wet, mossy, earth.

“She would have loved you. If she got to know you, she would have loved you as I do.”

“No, she wouldn’t. But I don’t blame her for it. Winchesters don't make great parents.”

**Author's Note:**

> I realize John would have let Dean die in Faith, but I'm more interested in the connection between the colt and Winchester death. Plus don't know if Dean would still remember that time he almost died of a bad heart 12 years ago.
> 
> On tumblr: http://oops-i-accidentally-destiel.tumblr.com/post/157950771510/the-grave


End file.
